I ask Sally for some details on this space walk, but forget to pay attention when I notice that there is more wasteland-y shit around up here. Ammo, frag mines, a toaster, a bottlecap mine, some apples. I start to get excited, because that means there MIGHT be booze, but alas, there was not. I grab the apples and the ammo and check yet again with Sally what the rest of her crazy ass plan was.

She tells me to put on the dead astronaut’s space suit and then go through this chamber to the outside of the ship. Uuuh okay. I start to look around for the dead astronaut, and am a little annoyed that I can’t remember what I did with that body. I remember…hiding it because it was dead and I was trying to make things a little more pleasant up here, or something. Where did I….where did I hide him at? I think…HARD. Oh wait. I’m pretty sure he was naked when I hid him. I check my inventory. Oh! Ha! I already have a spacesuit. I put it on and head into the decompression chamber, but can’t help but notice that the suit doesn’t seem to cover the uh…tips of my fingers. I’m no scientist, but I think that might suck later? Right? I cross my uncovered fingers and head into the decompression chamber. I see a button to push and as I am about to activate it, I suddenly hear Sally reminding to put the spacesuit on. I am suddenly filled with self-doubt. I was pretty sure I had put it on. I check. Yeah, it’s on.  Is there…do I need more parts to it? It seems to be covering my face and stuff. New gloves? I don’t know.

I’m a little nervous as I hit the decompression button, but everything seems to go fine. I walk out the door on the other side of the room, thinking I’ll be in space, but it’s just more hallway. I wander a few more hallways and finally find my way to the outside of the spaceship.




What was I supposed to do now? Hey! Some things I can push. That seems like a good place to start. My breathing is super loud in this helmet, and I am hoping to be done out here soon and back inside. After some stuff pushing, I see a light in the middle of the saucer or whatever. I run over to it and start floating up to I guess, more spaceship.

Inside, I activate some stuff to get the rest of my crew with me. We’re on the observation deck looking down at the shitty, dirty planet. Shit, that place is gah-ross. And yet, I miss it so.

I’m ready to keep moving, but some big alien hologram head shows up and yells some stuff in alien.


I quickly stop paying attention when the whole ship suddenly shakes. Fuck, did I miss something cool again? I ask Somah, who tells me that she thinks the aliens are mad, and now there’s a death ray I need to disable. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

All right, I’ll go do that. I find a room with 4 generators and some more buttons. I start pushing all of them. I can see the death ray through some glass or something and figure out that this one button makes it move back and forth. Neat. What’s this button do?

It uh

It fires it.

Okay um. I think that just shot off into space. It’ll probably hit an asteroid or something, right? Right?

I find a way to destroy all the generators and then start just going through whatever door is open to me. These aliens really shouldn’t put so many buttons around. I hit every single one.

“What’s this one do? Oh it releases all of those horrible creatures you were experimenting on and they kill you and now they’re coming after me. GOOD JOB ME!”

I find one button that beams a brahmin up from, I guess, someone’s herd down on earth? As soon as it appears, a robot shoots it. I push the button again, thinking I might get something different this time, but instead the same thing happens. Brahmin, robot, dead brahmin. I push the button a third time. Surely this must do something else…

Nope, dead brahmin again. Huh. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you still. Fool me some more, look it’s not hard to get me to push buttons; that doesn’t even count as fooling.

In the next area, I find some alien workers and some umm, really gross body parts stuff and things that appear to be for the purpose of cutting up people. Um, ew. I glare at the alien workers, and shoot one of them. Karma frowns on me and I drink a bottle of whiskey and give karma the finger. You fucking know what, karma. You fucker. These alien workers are part of the fucking problem. I don’t give two shits if they are weak and unarmed. They are in a room with dead human parts everywhere and that is all the permission I fucking need to shoot them. They are cogs in the system that is abducting people and doing horrible things to them, and when I smash a system goddammit, I smash the entire thing.

They knew what they were getting into when they signed up for this shit. It’s not like I’m flying this spaceship to some alien town and killing all the alien civilians. These are workers on board a ship. And not the fucking janitors, no, they obviously know what the shit is going on.



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