His Name Was Just Paulson

After conversing with all my new friends, I ask Sally what I’m supposed to do now because I was completely not paying attention when she told me earlier. And uh, maybe a little drunk. Okay really drunk. I’m still drunk now but maybe she could just look at this map on my Pipboy and point me in the right direction. I need someone to pin a note to my shirt, seriously.

There are apparently three generators that I need to destroy. The first is in the cryo labs, and this little soldier guy, uh Eliot, will go help me. Everyone else will wait here and twiddle their thumbs I guess. Oh Sally is gonna sit in this chair and hold this mini-nuke. Wait Sally. I need that.

I’ve got…14 bottles of whiskey to get me through this ordeal, so Eliot and I head to the cryo labs where I start just pushing any button I can. I find some controls that seem to unfreeze people in the cryo tubes, and apparently the aliens have spent a lot of time capturing and freezing raiders and feral ghouls.


Unfreezing them causes them to attack me, which I can understand from the feral ghoul, but you’d think the raider would be a little more concerned with just getting back to Earth. Maybe they could show me some fucking gratitude for saving them. But no, so I have to shoot them.

Eventually we come to a room with two dead soldiers in it that Eliot recognizes. I hit the first button I see and all of a sudden two pods are unfrozen and out pop two more of his friends. And they are apparently crazy now, because they won’t stop hitting each other. Or me. So now I have to kill them, and then Eliot runs over and yells at me, saying we could’ve saved them! Ummm….fuck. Really? Fuck. Uh. You want some whiskey? No wait, wine. You can have this wine.

We finally find the generator after I’ve unfrozen everything I could. Most of which subsequently had to be shot. Whoops. We blow the thing up and go back to the engineering core where the rest of the people are waiting for us, except for the Samurai. I uh, don’t know where he went. Hmm. I’m sure he’s fine.

Next me and Somah go to the robot assembly area. She quickly goes into a teleporter where I can’t follow but says we’ll meet up again later, haha! What? Also she says I should look out for some schematics or some “gizmos.” Lady, everything on this goddamn spaceship looks like a gizmo, maybe be a little more specific!

I blast my way through some robots and aliens and search one of them to find a robot control device thing. HEY SWEET! A GIZMO! I start activating robots to be in my robot army, but find I can only activate one at a time. Curses. I find some stairs and there’s Somah waiting for me. We blast through the assembly line and quickly find a generator to blow up. I pause for a moment, to knock things off of shelves.

Back in engineering, I just need to take this cowboy guy with me to the hangar and then I guess find Sally again because I forget the rest of the plan. Or how this even fits in with the plan. Uuuuugh need whiskey.

Cowboy, uh…Paulson and I head to the hangar where there is a broken spaceship hovering ┬áin the middle of the room and a bunch of big metal spikes all around giving off big ol’ jolts of something or other. He suggests we head “up there” and I look at all the various places that are above me, wondering which there he means. I try to just ignore his advice and head towards where there’s aliens to kill, and hey, I still have one of these robot buddies following me around!

I kill a couple aliens, then hit a control to bring down a barrier to a hallway. Up the adjoining stairs is another alien that I kill, and the controls to those metal spikey things. I activate all of them a few times until Paulson yells at me for wasting time. I glare at him.

No one tells me to stop wasting time.

I hit all the buttons again.

In the back of the room is another control to open a barrier into the room with the generator. I push it. Alarms start going off.

Ummmmmmmmm not cool?

Paulson yells at me and I rush over to the spike controls. A fuck ton of aliens are coming out of the doors near them, presumably to kill me because THIS generator has an alarm and actual protection on it, I guess. I start hitting any button I can see and the spikes blast all the aliens near them. I keep pushing buttons and in the ruckus, Paulson gets his idiot self killed. Fuck, dude! Look, even the ROBOT is still alive.

Finally the waves of aliens stop coming and the barrier goes down to the generator. I head inside and destroy it and hurry back to engineering.

Sally says I need to do a “space walk” now.

No Sally.


I need to drink now.

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