Wasted in the Spaceland

Somah and I are looking for somewhere to go that’s not the same 25 foot hallway of spaceship when I hear a voice coming from one of the cells asking for help. Another prisoner!


it’s a kid.


I sigh and start talking to her. What do you want? Help you out? Shut off some stuff? Ugh, yeah, I guess. Then she tells me that she knows her way around because she gets out of her cell all the time and wanders the ship until the aliens catch her and put her back in her cell. But you need my help to escape? Whatever.

I hate you, child-thing.

The three of us head down a hallway fighting alie-wait. It’s just me fighting them. Oh they’re gonna hang back while the drunk chick with all the guns clears out all the bad guys. Fine. YOU’RE WELCOME. I hope you know it’s gonna take a while! These aliens have a lot of shelves, and these shelves have a lot of things on them I can knock on the floor. 

These aliens, for being scrawny and annoying, seem to have some really sturdy faces. I keep switching between guns trying to figure out which one destroys them the best, while chucking the occasional nuka-grenade at them as well, and knocking back more whiskey when I get a free moment, and fear I might be getting close to sober. There’s a couple of alien workers and I shoot them too, but then the little girl tells me not to because the workers won’t hurt me.

Awww, what?

But their heads up popped off really easily!  I really liked shooting them! Dang it.

I’m not doing a very good job paying attention to this kid or where she wants me to go, and am instead just pressing on in whatever directions there are things to kill. I find some alien food, but it’s gross looking so uh, no thanks. I think I have a few cans of Cram on me instead. 

After some shooting, the little kid meets back up with and tells me we need to get to the top of the ship, but can’t because the aliens are aware of our escape and constant murdering of them. I don’t really know what the kid’s plan actually is, just that it involves the top of the ship and then later it involves a spacesuit and going outside and what? A big boss alien guy? 

Look. Little girl. I’m gonna drink my whiskey. You point me and what needs to be shot or blown up and I’ll do it. I don’t need a novel about this plan. 

Ain’t no way I’ll remember it anyways.

We eventually make it to a bunch of cryopods where I unfreeze a soldier, a cowboy, and a samurai. 

Is this a dollar store action figure set, what the hell? 

The samurai doesn’t speak English, and I can tell that no one is gonna know anything about this guy because even if they had ever spoken to each other before this, no one else here speaks the same language as him. But, I ask all of them anyways. 

“Hey you know what the deal is with this guy?”

Maybe I’m just trying to make conversation. Hey, so, how about this spaceship? how about that samurai? Do you like whiskey too? Uh…n-no I don’t have any on me. Yes I know I smell like it. WHAT’S WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS SUDDENLY. You’re boring, I’m gonna talk to that samurai. 

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