You dumb wastelanders. You’re so dumb. So. So. Dumb.
When I agree to help you, right? Please, graciously accept my help. I know, I look crazy. I’m wearing a space suit and I have bright blue hair and now I’m wearing these glasses even though I don’t need them. But I was helpful and before you tried to kill me, you saw me murder in TWO SHOTS, a goddamn queen radscorpion. The thing was the size of a truck. And I absolutely destroyed it.
So, when you say to me thanks for your help, but I’m gonna kill you now…there’s no panic in me. There’s no fear. I just sigh. I roll my eyes, I pull out one of my favorite guns, and I shoot you. And then I take all your stuff. You should’ve just let it be, goddammit.
I mean seriously.
I wandered around the Wastes for a bit until a golden gecko came at me. I shot it and its head went flying off. Then I decided, I’m not really sure why, to carry the head around out in front me. I yelled “I AM WOMAN WITH THE HEAD OF A GECKO. FEAR ME. I AM A FREAK OF NATURE. I AM NOT OF YOUR KIND. I SEEK ONLY TO DESTROY! ARRRRRARRRRARRRRARARARARGHHHHH!”
I finally decided to drop it but as soon as I did, Rex suddenly killed another gecko, so I decided it was a lucky gecko head and picked it back up. This time I carried it around with one hand, shooting at it with the other and screaming more crazy stuff. Suddenly I dropped it on accident and turned to pick it up when HO LORD A DEATHCLAW. I pulled out a bigger gun and shot at it. I got really excited for a second and ran over to it. Oh man, I thought, I’m gonna carry around a deathclaw head now instead. Unfortunately the deathclaw head was completely destroyed in the murdering, so I shot the body too and it burst into a mabillion pieces.
Later in Freeside, I took a garbage can and kicked it like 6 blocks. Then realized I could pick it up. Then uh, then I accidentally dropped it on my face. It hurt a little.
I took the garbage can then and stacked it on top of another garbage can. I felt very satisfied with myself. Like an artist. A sculptor. I stood on a car next to the cans then shot the cans over and yelled out to Freeside:
WORSHIP ME! I AM THE CREATOR AND THE DESTROYER! YOU SHALL ALL LIVE AND DIE BY MY HAND!
Then a King ran over and thanked me for helping out and gave me 17 caps.
Uh, heh, thanks.