Oh, I am far too excited about making Wasteland Tequila. I wanna make Wasteland Every Type of Alcohol. Where is all the rum? Where is all the gin? I want everything! I immediately check what I need to make it. FUCK I NEED WHISKEY BOTTLES. I check the campsite I am at and find a few right there. I make as much Wasteland Tequila as I can, and then check what I need again because I already forgot.
I need to find more agave fruit and more bottles. Back to looking around, I find lots of agave immediately but the bottles are hard to come by. I know I’ve got all this stuff to take to this guy at some other camp, but making this booze is PRIORITY A NUMBER ONE right now.
I do not care at all about anything else. I visit every campsite I can find, and go back to the fishing lodge, until I have several empty whiskey bottles and make a veritable bounty of tequila. Then, of course, I have to drink a bunch of it.
And some whiskey.
Totally plastered, I decide to finally go to this other camp.
As I approach, some lady named Walking Cloud runs over to me.
“WHAT’S YOUR DEAL?” I manage to ask her. She explains that she’s the tribe’s midwife and she also has a giant bear claw and not the delicious kind but the scary kind! She points me towards some dude named Daniel, and I show him all the sweet supplies I got for ’em.
He’s super happy, and then explains that if they are going to leave this incredibly dismal place for somewhere that I’m sure is equally as dismal, they need someone to do some scouting first and take care of some traps the White Legs set and blah blah, I AM ZONING OUT, PLEASE JUST PIN A NOTE TO MY CHEST AND GIVE ME AN ANNOYING PERSON TO TAG ALONG.
I tell Follows-Chalk to go follow some chalk instead of me and I grab Walking Cloud instead. C’mon woman. We’re gonna go do some stuff.
This list includes killing some White Legs, taking care of some yao guai, finding a map, and disarming some traps. I groan a bit to myself and head towards the White Legs first because I love killing them.
Perched high on some mountain-y thing, I pull out my sniper rifle and shoot a bunch of them one at a time. I giggle as the survivors panic for a bit, but can’t figure out where I am and eventually decide to just go back to standing around and then OH NO ANOTHER ONE OF US IS DEAD.
Walking Cloud is not laughing nearly as hard as I am. I don’t know what her problem is.
After a bit, I think they’re all dead, so we walk down there and I start searching all their sacks and JACKPOT a bunch of them have ALL of the ingredients to make Trail Mix. And I found more bottles to make tequila in! TO A CAMPFIRE!
After doing that and taking care of the rest of the ridiculously easy tasks, I decide to wander around a bit. Every time I stop for more than a few seconds, Walking Cloud starts in with the “I don’t like to linger here” business. WE’RE JUST AT A CAMPGROUND. THERE’S NOTHING HERE.
I didn’t really wanna go talk to Daniel or Joshua or whoever at the moment, so I headed down a section of map I hadn’t explored yet. It was dark out and I began walking down a stream. Walking Cloud then informs me that this stream leads to the White Legs base.
I continue walking down it despite her protests that we not linger and that my god let’s turn back please what are we doing.
Ya know what, maybe shut up because they are all asleep except this one dude and my gun is super quiet.
I climb up a small hill and aim at a White Leg on the edge of the camp. POW. He falls over dead and I giggle to myself. Two more are sleeping and didn’t even hear my gun. I aim at a second one and POW HE’S DEAD TOO. One more shot. POW. HAHAHA.
I wander a bit deeper into the White Legs camp stealing a bunch of supplies and fuck yes, more whiskey. Finally Walking Cloud’s pestering convinces me that we should leave. I’m sure the rest of these assholes will be quite surprised in the morning to wake up and find three people dead in their camp.
I AM THE BOOGEY MAN YOU FUCKERS. MUAHAHAHAHA.