Pick of the Litter

Today I finally went to Vault 11. Rex was way enthusiastic about mauling those rats and mantises (mantisese?) and I was enthusiastic about throwing things on the floor. I eventually come to find that the vault would once a year send someone to die in a sacrifice to keep the vault from killing them. You access the overseer’s computer and take a tunnel under their desk to walk off and die. 

Naturally, I decide I need to try this.

Of course this where part of me thinks, god, I must be just a goddamn idiot. “PLEASE WALK DOWN THIS TUNNEL EXPLICITLY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DYING.” Yeah sure why not.

The real problem is that my constant state of drunkeness combined with all of my guns and stimpaks just makes me feel invulnerable. It’s why I often leap from cliffs that are actually too high to leap off, and why I don’t bother looking around for potential threats like…ever. I just walk into them. Oh whoops excuse me, bang bang bang. It’s almost weird that I prefer my sniper rifle over something like a baseball bat or bludgeoning club sort of thing. 

So I walk down this hallway, watch a little movie and then oh shit robots are trying to kill me. GOOD LORD ARE THEY EVER. “Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow,” I say as bullet after bullet is fired upon me. What the fuck man. 

I manage to kill them all and then stand there for a second, angry. JEESH. You were killing these sad little vault dwellers with like 5 goddamn robots and two turrets. Is that seriously necessary? Where’s the robot for cleaning all this fucking mess up? I think ONE of these robots could’ve handled some pathetic little unarmed vaulty. FUCK. I checked a room to the side and found some recordings of what happened in the vault. LIKE I CARE. Then checked all the robots and boxes for anything useful. Of course there was nothing I wanted in the room, so I angrily left, angrily stomped up the stairs, and angrily marched back outside. 

You suck, Vault. 

I now had all the stuff I needed to give to the Brotherhood of Steel guys, but man, giving it to them will probably just result in sending me on OTHER errands, so I decided to just wander the wasteland for a bit. Do my own thing, be my own person. All the women, independent, and all that. I knocked back a whiskey and swam to a scavenger platform in the middle of a lake. It was full of lakelurks that I killed and then dragged their bodies into the water. Gotta keep this platform clean. 

Then, I started throwing other stuff in the water, because I cannot help myself ever. It started with little things: bottles, plates, pots, the like. Eventually I ended up at tires and barrels being flung into the water. 

Then I found a stack of books and started throwing them in too, yelling “FISH! HERE IS A BOOK, FISH! LEARN TO READ, FISH! EDUCATE YOURSELF, FISH!” 

I checked.

And those fish were doing none of those things. 

Goddammit, fish.

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