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I spent most of the day on Friday drinking whiskey and recruiting people/things to be prostitutes for the Atomic Wrangler. I felt drunk and helpful.

Last night, I helped another prostitute get out of her job and helped two chem addicts kick their addictions. I again felt quite helpful.

I helped get pictures of landmarks for the billboard maker.

I helped settle an argument between the Kings and NCR.

Fuck all you factions. Fuck you so hard. I don’t give a shit about your dam or your power plants or your weapons. I am doing good work out here in these rough parts of town. If there was a mission where I could help set up a shelter in Westside so these locals wouldn’t have to just sleep on the goddamn ground, I would do it over and over and over.

Fuck you Legion. You have stupid rules and rituals. You are like a stupid church being all like we hate this stuff because someone told us to. Fuck you NCR. Put up a fucking sign if I’m not supposed to walk somewhere. I don’t regret the fact that Cass shot four of you, and I looted your corpses and hid them in the bushes. Fuck you Powder Gangers for being assholes just because.

Fuck everyone who wants this fucking Platinum Chip. Gonna drop this thing in a fucking well. Gonna destroy the fuck out of it. I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care. Keep me out of your goddamn fight.

I have drinking to do.

Aaaaaaahhhhh.

Also I accidentally pissed off the White Gloves when I was punching empty whiskey bottles off their bar and maybe kinda sorta punched a bartender in the process.

I’M SORRY IT WAS AN ACCIDENT SHE WALKED RIGHT INTO MY FIST.

My new favorite game is to go into the casinos, jump on one of them there gambling tables and then play “The Floor is Lava.”

I can’t imagine a drunk crazy chick with bright blue hair in combat armor, with a robot and another drunk jumping on the table in the middle of your blackjack game is all that endearing.

Haha fuck you guys. I’m kicking your caaaaards.

Dear Brotherhood of Steel People Who Asked Me to Do that Dumb Thing,

Fuck you. Fuck you a million times.

Next time you lose a fucking gun, just take one of your other guns in the giant pile there and shove it in your fucking mouth. I sure as fuck don’t want to hear about it. You goddamn idiots.

PS Everyone Else:

Fuck off, you are killing my buzz. I am trying to wander the wastes and get my drank on with my drank friend Cass and you all keep asking me for favors. I will only accept whiskey as payment from now on.

I hate you all.

Love,

Me

This Caravan game shit is fucking weird man. But apparently quite popular.

As I approached Primm, walking there from Goodsprings, injecting stimpaks directly into my left foot because you ain’t finding insoles for your high arches in the Wasteland motherfucker, an NCR guy is all “I wouldn’t go in there.”

Oh okay thanks whatever.

I walk into town only to find myself being charged at from all sides by convicts fuuuuuuuck. I take cover and start shooting and I’m getting hit all kinds of bad and I finally decide I gotta make a run back out of town. I dart away taking down another couple convicts with dynamite as I do. After taking a minute to regroup, I head back into town, a bit slower this time. As I near the door to the casino, two more convicts try to kill me and I shoot them quick and run for the door, thinking to myself “pleeeeaaaase don’t be full of convicts.”

I thrust the door open, burst inside! No convicts! Phewfta!

A man runs over to talk to me as I catch my breath, “what are you doing here?”

I say to him:

*huffhuffhuff*

…

*huffhuff*

*drink of water*

“Wanna play a game of Caravan?”

I’m at a campfire. I’m super excited because I am going to make me a Caravan Lunch.

Fuck yeah.

Cram, Instamash, Pork N Beans, all shoved in a lunchbox and stirred up with some Radaway. I practically want to make some in REAL LIFE.

SO FUCKING PUMPED TO MAKE THIS.

I got Veronica and the Eyebot following me around and carrying like 200 pounds of shit each.

I turn to the campfire.

I don’t have any Cram on me. What the fuck do you mean I don’t have any Cram on me I stole like 5 Crams out of this house earlier. What the fuck. Okay maybe robot has the Cram. Robot?

No fucking Cram.

Okay Veronica.

NO FUCKING CRAM.

I fire my gun at the ground and yell:

WHERE THE FUCK IS THE FUCKING CRAM!?

I go into a house in a Novac. And a lady is in her kitchen, with a broom.

FUCKING SWEEPING.

Lady. Sweeping is like STEP LAST of cleaning your house. You should pick up all the large pieces of debris that the broom can’t handle first. You should do the dishes, instead of piling them in this crate in the corner.

LOOK IT. The broom isn’t even doing anything. The floor looks exactly the same. Stop it. Stop sweeping.

Gimme your fucking broom. Fucking give it to me.

I am going to go throw it in a FUCKING LAKE.

I know, there’s no lakes around here.

THAT IS HOW FAR AWAY I AM GOING TO TAKE YOUR FUCKING BROOM.

Why do I love pretending like I took one too many blows to the head when I’m having conversations with people? It’s like I’m roleplaying an Alzheimer’s patient. I just kept asking this guy in the Dinosaur’s Mouth who he was, and what he wanted me to do. Over and over and over.

Who are you?

I’m Manny.

Oh sure sure…what did you want me to do again?

Go to the place and kill the ghouls.

Right right ghouls…and you are?

I’m Manny.

Manny, that’s right, I knew that. Did you need me to do something?

Go to the place and kill the ghouls.

Yes. Kill the ghouls. Of course. Okay bye!

I’m addicted to beer.

:/

Near Sloan, I wanted to go check out the piles and piles of Deathclaws nearby. I climbed some cliffs and walked over and oh shit the Deathclaws saw me.

And then one chased me back to camp and killed a bunch of people and me.

haha

whoops.