Someone’s Gonna Be A Very Happy Mailbox Looter.

With Yes Man all set up at the Tops and all the factions taken care of, it was almost time to head to the dam. But I wanted to take care of a few things first, go buy a bunch of ammo (because why not) and turn in all this NCR and Legion money for actual money. 

I had uh…a lot of NCR and Legion money so this took a while. In fact, I quit after like several minutes of exchanging stuff and still had something like 96 $5 NCR bills and made 3000 caps just exchanging money. 

I went back to my room, and swapped out a few guns that I didn’t think would be particularly necessary and then back to Yes Man to let him know I was ready to head out. 

At the dam, I checked to make sure V-Ron and Rex were still with me then turned to suddenly one of those big fucking guns just fucking explode.

WHAT THE FUCK

I start walking towards it only to have Legion asshole after Legion asshole run towards me. I was super drunk, and switching my gun out for a different gun approximately every 3 kills. A big group of guys? Grenade Launcher! A bunch all spread out? Hunting Rifle! Wait no Sniper Rifle. WAIT NO TRAIL CARBINE RIFLE. AAAAH. 

That guy is far away! Rex go get him!

GOOD DOGGY! YOU ARE THE BEST DOGGY! Muahahahaahaha!

Oh god a plane? It’s the fucking Boomers! YES! FUCK YES! 

It’s a good thing Rex and V-Ron and stuff were helping because man, I was super distracted by everything. V-Ron knocked a guy off the dam and I ran over and laughed at him as he fell. 

I head into the dam where a couple NCR guards are blocking a control room. I tell them that someone is in trouble and they gotta go help and it’s cool, I’ll watch the door. They take off running and I laugh at them and go inside the room. There I insert the override chip and activate the Securitron Army. Inside the dam I also find a bowl of noodles, grab a handful to shove in my mouth, and head back towards the surface.

Back outside, I see the Fort up in flames, and robots shooting guys for me. We start making our way towards Legate’s camp where outside a guard is standing around. I have my anti-materiel rifle out so I shoot the little lad and watch him start on fire. As he runs in a circle, Rex suddenly tears off towards him and puts the finishing touches on him. He runs back over to me and I check his health.

Completely full.

In the Legate’s camp are more Legion who were mostly pretty easy, then the Legate himself. He threatened to nail me to side of the dam, which honestly part of me wondered how he intended to do that, but it doesn’t matter because I just gave him a “f’real playa?” and started shooting and soon enough he was dead.

Back at the gate to the camp, the NCR started acting like they wanted to start shit, but…uuuuh, there’s a huge army of robots there guys. Plus, I’m so drunk I’m liable to do anything, honestly. I was tempted to start a fight just because…because I wanted to shoot things more, but I convinced the NCR to just piss off instead.

And then, that was that, I guess. The end credits didn’t say anything about how drunk I got or how many things I knocked over in the rest of my life. But it had to be a lot.

…

I just realized I never did anything with all that gold I had.

FUCK.