Dog is My Co-Pilot Light

All right, one person refound, two more to go. I didn’t kill that chick, even though that Elijah dude wanted me to. I figured, who cares, I like her and she hates that Father E too. Up next is the ghoul fella, Dean.

Dean is apparently in the theater. I GUESS the hotel security decided to take each of my companions to where they thought they should be? So because Dean used to sing at the hotel, they took him to the theater? And they took Christine to Vera’s room because…she’s a woman? And then the mutant is…I guess he’s in the kitchen because maybe the hotel had a really fat chef. I got left in the lobby because I look like the sort of person who likes to just linger about.

In the theater, I did…something I don’t remember what, and all of a sudden Dean emerges from that back room. He tells me he’s got some elaborate plan to kill me and escape before his head explodes so that HE CAN HAVE WHATEVER IS IN THE VAULT MUAHAAHAHAHA.

*sigh*

Dean. Look. I wasn’t planning on killing you when I came in here. Mostly because I was explicitly told to kill you and I’m in the most contrary mood ever lately. But now, man, you have pissed me off. Oh what a plan you have, kill someone and run away fast. Let’s start with you, stupid.

Dean runs and hides backstage and activates some security holograms so now I have to do a bunch of elaborate shit to actually get to him. HRRRRRRRRRGH. I find a key in some sheet music with some Mentats there too, and break into the dressing rooms. Here’s some fucking radios to dart past and near and to and fro and what the fuck ever. I have to find a key to one room and then hack a terminal and find another key and then find a holotape and a way into the projector room and play the holotape and then back to another area and GODDAMN IT WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PROBLEMS I COULD JUST SOLVE WITH MY GUNS AND BULLETS. MY SMARTY SMART GUNS.

THE ANSWER TO THIS RIDDLE IS BANG BANG BANG. OH HOW I LONG FOR THE DAYS. Now it’s ridiculous traps and things that won’t die and no place to sleep.

I finally get to Dean, who wants to talk again, just real quick. ALL RIGHT WHAT?

He talks. I will recap: BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHWAHWAHWAHWAHBLAHBLAHBLOOBLOOWAHBLAHBLAH

Is that everything?

Okay then. Time for my guns to shine!

So Dean’s dead and th–OH GODFUCKINGDAMMIT MY COLLAR IS BEEPING. I gotta get out of the theater and fast.

FUCKING FUCK.

I sprint towards the door and guess what’s outside? Like a whole fuckton of ghost people. Again. This is getting seriously old.

I kill the ghost people and take extra care to remove their limbs so they don’t get back up and try to spear me some more. I guess I’ll go find Dog now. Once again, I have to do a bunch of pain in my fucking ass tasks to get down to the kitchen, but eventually manage it.

In the kitchen are three leaking gas valves. And Dog, arguing with God, his other personality. I need to sneak past them…him…thim and try to shut off the gas valves. If he sees me? He’ll kill himself. Setting off his collar. Aaaaaand igniting all the gas.

Awesome.

Just earlier I was thinking how not enough things were hellbent on killing me. But a gas filled room with a crazy person ready to set it ablaze? Well that’s way better than ghosts and air and radios. (oh my.)

I sigh again.

A DEEP. TIRED. SIGH.

I find one of the gas valves and shut it off and then OH GOD HE SAW ME UUUUH…

Run over to him!

Hey man, don’t uh set this room on fire, please. Please dude.

I spend some time curing the mutant of his split personality and heave a sigh of relief. I wander around the kitchen for a bit, knocking all the boxes off of some shelves and everything off the counters. I also find a room of meat lockers and for some reason and momentarily excited even though every single meat locker contains “PRE-WAR MEAT” which I go “oh gross” at and quickly close the locker again.

Old salisbury steak in a box that I found in a coffin once? Yeah I ate that. Squirrel stew that was in a mailbox? Why not? Radroach meat that came off a goddamn RADROACH? Well, okay I don’t usually eat that. Grilled mantis legs though! Sure!

But pre-war meat?

Please. Even I have my limits.

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